If there's such a thing as a "one and done" in the Bachelor franchise we witnessed it last night as Clare drooled over Dale (the former GREEN BAY PACKERS FREE AGENT) like Nymeria hovering over a freshly killed stag north of the wall. Nevertheless, it's a long season and to paraphrase Aaron Nagler, "there's a lot of Bachelor-etting left". The Power Rankings don't start until Week 2, but here are my top observations from last evening's debut.
- Dale? Really? Dale? I get it he’s good looking and all, but could you at least wait until he gets inside before you soak your panties?
- The money spent on veneers in that cocktail party has to be higher than the GNP of at least a dozen third world countries.
- Apparently you can’t have a season now without some type of salmon suit or sport coat.
- That straitjacket entrance sure looked good on paper didn't it?
- When in doubt, always pet the dog.
- Apparently none of the guys know their waistline, jacket size or inseam.
- What the hell is a Wildlife Manager?
- Of course the Asian guy is going to be the expert in Origami (the Japanese art of paper folding). What the hell is wrong with the producers? If you are going to pursue stereotypes you might as well have him play the violin and do complex math problems to complete the trifecta. Even better, make him a Hibachi chef so he can flip shrimp cocktail into Clare's gaping mouth hole.
- The guy in the tux and the scarf looks like the guy who invites people to his mansion and then hunts them for his own pleasure (courtesy @JoeyMulinaro)
- Can someone run down to the LaQuinta gift shop and pick up 30 pairs of socks?
- There is, and will only ever be, one Tyler C and that is Tyler C.
- When West Virginia Tyler C, aka Mini-McConaughey, said he wanted a couple of dogs in his station wagon, by a couple of dogs he meant 7.
- If I were on the show and the rose ceremony was held in the morning after an all-nighter, there's about a 97.6% chance I'm not making it to the lineup, and if I did, I'd probably be sitting down.
If you haven't seen the debut yet and want to get a sneak peak at former Packers free agent Dale, check out the highlight below. Lord knows, it's the only highlight Practice Squad Dale has ever had.
PHOTOS: ABC