It looks like the Clare and Dale shit show is in full swing. At least for another week. Anyway, we all know how it turns out so I won't be releasing any power rankings until after the Clare train pulls out of town. In the meantime, here are my Week 2 observations:
- Yes Clare. It was love at first sight with Dale. I get it. But before you leave the resort together, do me a favor and take a close look at his ears.
- No doubt aboot it, Blake Moynes is the new Luke P.
- Clare’s butt is bigger than I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong. It’s spectacular. One might even say breathtaking. It's just bigger than I thought it would be.
- Eazy is the shit. Right now he's ranked #1 in both the AP and UPI pre-season polls.
- I’m pretty sure Bennet has a favorite type of wood.
- By the way, did you know Bennett went to Harvard?
- There isn’t a man on this planet who could run into their hotel room at the drop of a hat and pull out four gift boxes that fit together like Russian nesting dolls. Maybe they'd have a gift bag without tissue paper. Maybe. But gift boxes. No f*cking way.
- “Man goodies”. Consider that stolen.
- I miss Fred Willard.
- "You're the oldest Bachelorette" is this season's fence jump. We'll have a COVID vaccine before that scene airs.
- Dale will be nuts deep by 8:40PM next Tuesday. Book it.
- When Riley was slow dancing with Clare, I was waiting for him to say “You gotta meet my cousin L' Marvquist. He’ll hook you up real good”.
- Cutting to the look of terror in Origami Joe's eyes (the Asian guy) when Clare said it was going to be Naked Dodgeball was the most genius piece of editing in the history of television.
- From now on Yosef, your Delta Tau Chi name is "Silent J"
- Manipulative.Manipulative. Selfish. Cold and Mean. Way to lead with your strong suits Jason.
- Puppy Perfume? WTF is Puppy Perfume?
- Is it just me or did a college professor just go Full Monty on national TV?
- How many more testicle puns and double entendres can a girl endure?
- Who wears that shade of green? I’d burn that dress too.
- Clare’s Derrick Henry-like stiff arm on Blake Moynes was fifty shades of the best thing ever.
- Brandon trying to dig out of the “I came on the show because you’re hot” hole was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever watched. It was also the most awesome.
- Seriously Clare, look at his ears.
Enough of this nonsense already, let's get Clare and Dale out of here so we can get Tayshia, Maddy and Hannah Ann back in the mix and the real fun can begin.
PHOTO: Getty Images